Humour

If you have any platypus jokes, please e-mail them to...............

The author of this site takes no responsibility for the quality of these jokes!!

 


Why did the platypus cross the road?
To show the possum that it could be done.
Kev DaMan

What do you call a deep fried platypus?
A battered-pus
Ian, Sarah & Lisa from the UK

What do you call a platypus with a bad hair day?
Rattiapuss
Carly Adduci

What do ya get if you cross a cat with a platypus, and then it crosses the road?
A Flattycattypuss!
Abby Johnson

What do ya get if you cross a pie plaiting a plait?
A Plait
Marshal Douglas

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Platy
Platypus who?
Platypus!
Lucy Powers

Who comes up with these platypus jokes?
I have no idea but they are hilATYPUS!
Janeva and Steph

Why are Janeva and Steph so cool?
Because the platyJOKER said so
Janeva and Steph

What do you get when you cross a rat with a platypus?
A rattapus
Rebekah

What do you call a sophisticated platypus?
A latte-pus
Rebekah

What do you call a platypus in a boxing ring?
A battered-pus
Rebekah

What do you call a distracted platypus?
A scattypus
Rebekah

What do you call an overweight platypus?
A sattypus
Madeleine Cominetti

What do ya get if you cross a pie plaiting a plait?
A plait
Marshal Douglas

What do you get when you cross a Scotsman and a platypus?
A plaid-y-pus
James and Andrew

What do you get when you cross a toilet and a platypus?
A potty-pus
James and Andrew

Why don't Mr. & Mrs. Platypus ever go to Thanksgiving dinner parties?
Because they get very nervous every time they hear someone say"Here comes the Platypi." (pie)
Tino Sanmiguel

What do you get when you cross a mouse, a kitten, and a platypus?
A ratty-catty-platypus!
Justin King

What do you get when a platypus crosses the road?
A flatypus!
Justin King

What do you get when you cross a platypus and a salesperson?
A nice platypus hide bag for only 16.99$
Dina O'Chocolate

A platypus walks into a bar and tells the bartender,"Got any grapes?" The bartender says ,"No, now go away!." The platypus walks int othe bar again and says, "Got any grapes?" The bartender says,"No and if you ask me that one more time I'll staple your webbed feet into the floor!" The platypus walks into the bar again and says,"Do you have any staples?" And the bartender says,"No." Then the platypus says,"Got any grapes?"
Ben

Why did the platypus want to read a book?
Because he was bored!
Laurenn Clarke

Why did the platypus catch the bus?
Because he didn't want to walk.
Kelli-Ann Myatt

(These next three jokes follow on from earlier ones - Site author)

Why did the chicken stink?
Because when the platypuss was taped to the chicken the platypus farted!
Janeva and Stephy

Why did Janeva and Stephy give u some new jokes?
Cause ur other ones suck
Janeva and Stephy

Why was the platypuss in the cn tower?
Because he was taped to the chicken and the chicken was there on holidays!
Janeva and Stephy

Years ago researching a university paper on the shortcoming of government management I came across the following cynical quote:
"A platypus is a duck designed by a committee"
Unknown

What's the Marcupial version of playboy called?
Platypussy
Dead Fish

What do you get if you cross a platypus with a night club?
A Party-pus.
Maria Middleton

What do you call the jokes on this page?
Plathetic
Mike Pye

What do you get when you cross a Platypus and a Steamroller?
Splatterpus
Kirk Moulton

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Guess
If this is a bad platypus joke like all of the others on this stinkin' page, then I don't want to know!
Fine!
Anonymous

What's better than pumpkin pie?
Platypie.
Amy Shoffeitt

What did the Platypus say to the giraffe?
Nothing. Platypusses can't talk.
Amy Shoffeitt

What are the similarities between a Plum and a Platypus?
They are both purple except for the Platypus.
Amy Shoffeitt

What do you get when a plate pops a pimple?
Platypus.
Amy Shoffeitt

If a platypus were to look at this page, he'd turn to his wife and say "Honey, look! We're famous!"
Rose Hogarth

What do you get when a platypus eats a cat?
A cattypus.
Unknown

What do you get when you cross a platypus with 8 tenticles?
An octa-pus.
Unknown

What do you get when you cross a platypus and a pumpkin?
A platy-o'lantern.
Unknown

A couple of platypusses are in a bar talking politics. The one platypus says to the other: "That whole Monica Lewinski thing seems really stupid now, I mean Clinton's a Lame Duck president." "Yeah your right, and Bush and Gore sounds more like a horror movie, I'll miss BILL, atleast a duck's got webbed feet." The second says. "Gee, Monica forgot to mention that!"
Pete Lunn

Any deity worthy of a graven image can cobble up a working universe complete with fake fossils in under a week - hey, if you're not omnipotent, there's no real point in being a god. But to start with a big ball of elementary particles and end up with the duckbill platypus without constant twiddling requires a degree of subtlety and the ability to Think Things Through: exactly the qualities I'm looking for when I'm shopping for a Supreme Being.
Lee DeRaud

A girl platypus walks into a store to purchase lipstick. "How are you going to pay for this?" asks the cashier. "Just put it on my bill," says the platypus.
Michael Gerchufsky

What do you get when you TRY to mix platypi with humour?
I don't know either, so far it hasn't been done.
Kristi B

What do you call a platypus that cannot swim?
A sinkingpus.
Jon Novak

God had finished creation. All that was left on the table was a duck bill, a scrap of fur and some other odds and ends. The angel said, "Lord, it is a good thing you finished creation because you couldn't make anything with these things." "Oh, yeah!" replied God, "Watch." God put together a duck billed platypus. This demonstrates God's wild sense of humor. Rev. Sue Haseltine
Rev. Sue Haseltine

How did the platypus politician calm the crowd?
He gave them platy-tudes.
Brenda Deliantoni

Why did the platypus cross the road?
Because he felt like fried chicken
Nicole Avena

What do you get when you cross a platypus and a long division problem?
A Mathypus.
Bobby Hoekstra

What do you get when you cross Ken Griffey Jr. and a platypus?
A Battypus.
Rajiv Mohan

Why didn't the platypus pay the taxi driver?
Because he only had a one-dollar-bill!
Brad ?

The platypus went into a bar. He bought two sodas.  "That'll be $2.50, please" said the bartender.  "Just put it on my bill" said the platypus.
Andrea Archer

Why did the crayfish cross the road?
To get away from the platypus.
Andrea Archer

Why did the platypus go to the power plant?
To eat the Y2K bug.
Komplin

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Platypus
Platypus who?
This is another really lame platypus joke!
Grace Weber

Why did the platypus cross the road?
Because he couldn't find KFC.
Grace Weber

What does a platypus eat off of?
A platter-puss.
Ben Hohenstatt

Why did the platypus cross the road?
To get away from all the people who wrote these other bad platypus jokes.
Bobby ?

What was the platypus's favourite James Bond movie?
Platypussy.
Jonathan Halder

Why didn't the platypus take a taxi to cross the road?
Because he didn't want to break his large bill.
Jonathan Halder

What do you get when you cross a duck and a beaver?
A platypus.
Amy Naumann

What do you get when you cross a platypus with a scruffy old tom cat?
A duck billed tatty pus.
Mike Jagoe

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Platypus
Platypus who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Platypus
Platypus who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say platypus again?
Tyson

Why did the platypus cross the road?
He wanted to beat the chicken.
Tyson
 
What do you get when a platypus falls off a twelve story building?
A Splattypus!
M Schwall

What do you get when you cross a platypus and the CN tower?
A splattypus!
Luke Szafranski

What do you get when you cross a platypus and a lady?
A girl platypus!
Ralph Szafranski

What did the optimistic platypus say to the sad platypus?
Don't be such a pouty-puss!
Katy Porter

What do you get when you cross a platypus with a king-sized dinner?
A fatty-pus.
Kirk Szafranski

Why did the platypus cross the road?
Because there was a girl on the other side.
Mandy

Why did the platypus cross the road?
Because there was free food on the other side.
Meera Phatarfod

What did the platypus eat at the football match?
A platy pie.
Paul Burke

Why did the Platypus cross the road?
Because he wanted to see his flat mate.
Angela Cripps

What do get when a platypus crosses the road?
You get a flatypus.
Jean-Luc Lebrun

What do you call a platypus who likes to do the patti-cake?
A patti-pus.
Jos Whales

Why did the Platypus cross the road?
Because it wanted to eat the chicken.
Mrs. Nadeau's Class J.Q. San Miguel Elementary School

Why did the Platypus cross the road?
Because it was in the wrong joke.
Peter Agnew aged 30+

What do you get if you cross a hungry cat with roast duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-puss!
Christmas Cracker

Why did the Platypus cross the road?
Because it was taped to the chicken!
The Rivers School

Why did the Platypus cross the road?
Because the chicken was on holiday!
Bayswater South Primary School

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